My constant companion

My constant companion, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..dreaming of holidays xx.

Lola is never too far away from me bless her
well its Thursday
Pete is still quite ill ..but we have been to the Hospital this week and the Drs
all of them have said ..its the Radiotherapy and Meds not the cancer making him ill
and at this stage he still has a fighting chance ...so that made us feel better
on a positive note ..although he is poorly
he is eating like a horse ..thats my man xx


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Mac for MacMillan Cancer Support

Mac, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..dreaming of holidays xx.

another day and Pete is still ill
last Wednesday and Thursday he looked so well ...and then wham !
he just has no energy at all ..his head is fuzzy ...and there is that little cough ..that he hasn't noticed ...but I have
and my heart sinks ..
so I go through the motions of living ..whilst he is upstairs sleeping ..
Im downstairs
washing up ..ironing ..hovering ..all the things he has always done
I miss him so much just being by me ..and I hate him being so ill
and its very hard to stay focused and positive and get my work done
but tomorrow we will see his surgeon ..and I am thinking of talking to Tracy ..I have that scream caught in my throat again
..so I write it down here instead of screaming

every day on Facebook I put what makes me smile ...every day something has to make me smile ..
because I am scarred of loosing me
Pete always says Im always laughing and always smileing
no..... he says I would laugh if my fanny was on fire ...LOL
but its bloody hard to do it some days ...but if I dont ..then I am gone ..and this sad me is here ...and Pete dosnt need that sad me ...he needs me
so I smile

this week Im sorting out the delayed wigs
and the Etsy custom orders

Ebay sales ...Im waiting for the bubble wrap to come then they will go out too

Chemo didnt work
right now we feel like Ok whats next

all of the lesions he has are under 1 cm ..we have been told thats good
7 in his lungs ...2 in the lymph glands under his armpits
2 in his chest lymph nodes

and we still dont know if the brain tumour has shrunk

he has skin cancer in his abdomen ..groin and his back ...
they are pinning all hopes on immune-therapy

I feel like I have been hit by a train
and reading everything I can get my hands on about strenghtening the immune system
and natural vitamins that help healthy cells recognise cancer cells and fight them

..there is a lot of stuff out there ..its just finding it and sifting through it

we have to get Pete strong again so he can take the treatment
steroids and the brain tumour have taken their toll
they are monitoring him closely

on a possitive note  he is Ok ..he is weak ..and frustraited ..
but so so strong willed and brave ..he always was my hero ..he is even more now

on a SleepingElf Note ...dolls ordered will go out now ..I just havent been able to post
and I have a HUGE batch of wigs that will go out the end of this week xx

latest inside the Moo

latest inside the Moo, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..dreaming of holidays xx.

so close to finishing her
just cant wait to get away for a few days

Pete is recovering slowly ..so very slowly ..sometimes I think I may loose my mind

this journey we are on is a nightmare ...I just dream of a happy ending

we are due to see the specialist tommorow to find out what treatment he is to ahve next and the last ct scans

part of me is terrified
he has 8 lesions or nodules on his body now ..lord knows whats going on in his lungs and I am scarred shitless :(

I am doing everything I can ,...research into diet and latest complimentary treatments , I spend hours reading about diet and cancers

the McMillan nurse from Birmingham gave Kat an amazing magazine to read ICON
its eye-opening ..there are things we can do to help ..that can be used along side the radiotherapy and conventional treatments
and the future of treatments ..
it kinda keeps me sane at least I feel I have some control over this too