Mac for MacMillan Cancer Support

Mac, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..dreaming of holidays xx.

another day and Pete is still ill
last Wednesday and Thursday he looked so well ...and then wham !
he just has no energy at all ..his head is fuzzy ...and there is that little cough ..that he hasn't noticed ...but I have
and my heart sinks ..
so I go through the motions of living ..whilst he is upstairs sleeping ..
Im downstairs
washing up ..ironing ..hovering ..all the things he has always done
I miss him so much just being by me ..and I hate him being so ill
and its very hard to stay focused and positive and get my work done
but tomorrow we will see his surgeon ..and I am thinking of talking to Tracy ..I have that scream caught in my throat again
..so I write it down here instead of screaming

every day on Facebook I put what makes me smile ...every day something has to make me smile ..
because I am scarred of loosing me
Pete always says Im always laughing and always smileing
no..... he says I would laugh if my fanny was on fire ...LOL
but its bloody hard to do it some days ...but if I dont ..then I am gone ..and this sad me is here ...and Pete dosnt need that sad me ...he needs me
so I smile

this week Im sorting out the delayed wigs
and the Etsy custom orders

Ebay sales ...Im waiting for the bubble wrap to come then they will go out too

Chemo didnt work
right now we feel like Ok whats next

all of the lesions he has are under 1 cm ..we have been told thats good
7 in his lungs ...2 in the lymph glands under his armpits
2 in his chest lymph nodes

and we still dont know if the brain tumour has shrunk

he has skin cancer in his abdomen ..groin and his back ...
they are pinning all hopes on immune-therapy

I feel like I have been hit by a train
and reading everything I can get my hands on about strenghtening the immune system
and natural vitamins that help healthy cells recognise cancer cells and fight them

..there is a lot of stuff out there ..its just finding it and sifting through it

we have to get Pete strong again so he can take the treatment
steroids and the brain tumour have taken their toll
they are monitoring him closely

on a possitive note  he is Ok ..he is weak ..and frustraited ..
but so so strong willed and brave ..he always was my hero ..he is even more now

on a SleepingElf Note ...dolls ordered will go out now ..I just havent been able to post
and I have a HUGE batch of wigs that will go out the end of this week xx

latest inside the Moo

latest inside the Moo, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..dreaming of holidays xx.

so close to finishing her
just cant wait to get away for a few days

Pete is recovering slowly ..so very slowly ..sometimes I think I may loose my mind

this journey we are on is a nightmare ...I just dream of a happy ending

we are due to see the specialist tommorow to find out what treatment he is to ahve next and the last ct scans

part of me is terrified
he has 8 lesions or nodules on his body now ..lord knows whats going on in his lungs and I am scarred shitless :(

I am doing everything I can ,...research into diet and latest complimentary treatments , I spend hours reading about diet and cancers

the McMillan nurse from Birmingham gave Kat an amazing magazine to read ICON
its eye-opening ..there are things we can do to help ..that can be used along side the radiotherapy and conventional treatments
and the future of treatments ..
it kinda keeps me sane at least I feel I have some control over this too

lola

lola, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..whos brain is cotton wool right now.

Ive missed my little girl the past couple of weeks
when I havent been in the hospital with Pete ..Ive been up the vets with Chester
Chester may have a heart defect ..at the moment his heart is raceing way too fast and he has a heart murmur
so he is going to be refered to a specialist
Pete has been discharged from the hospital , his radiotherapy is finished ..we wont know if its worked for 4 weeks ..he has to have a 3 week break from treatment then back to Dr Grummit to see if the Chemo worked at all and sort out the rest of the tumours
either Chemotherapy or something else ..dont know what that is
Ive sent out a load of orders this week and I should be getting back to normal and catching up with backdated orders this week

tiny Romeo

tiny Romeo, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ...

I carried him about in my pocket all day last week
sewing up bits as and when I could so Pete wouldn't know I was making him

he is tiny ..and I love this size ...
every day this week when we go to hospital I sit and sew ..or knit
its been a long week ..and Im out of the house more than Im in

Ive not got around to posting anything ...but I am planning on parcelling up over the weekend so I can post Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday

I managed to make up quite a lot last weekend ..but just Havant got to get them out yet
Ive had 3 dolls arrive ...Hujoo ABS ted ..who is still bald , nude and face-less ..Customhouse SD chow who is still a box of bits
and Cherish doll ltd rick ..still nude and the same state as the others ..but it was a nice suprise

Pete is doing Ok ...so far so good ..no side effects ..nothing else nasty cropping up
and 3 of the first tumours on his body that came up have shrunk ..
so were hopeful once he starts his treatment again ..we can give this illness a run for its money !!

he is just exhausted ..he cant sleep ..steroids most likely
I wish I could just magic it away
but life isnt like that is it?
were planning the day again today ...1.30 appointment
so it takes about an hour to get there
parking is a nightmare ..so Im leaving at 12.15
fill up with fuel ..and off I go

now Im answereing the e.mails I have had come in

THISTLEDOWN ...again !!

at last ..I have a dark tan baby again, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ...

Pete starts RadioTherapy next week
10 days worth ..every day doing a 2 hour round trip plus the hospital time
Im still working ..taking orders and working on new stock for my Etsy
but if you have e.mailed me ..it may be a few days before I can invoice you or get back to you
I know Im going to be majorly stressed out the next 10 days
were not sleeping too well right now
but I know its all going to come right in the end
Ive enjoyed myself today photographing the new bears ..Pete helped me with them too ..fastening off cotterpins ...my hands are still very weak ..and all the driving Im doing over the next 10 days and the sewing Im doing ...he dosnt want me to knacker them up
but its taken my mind off things a little ...

and ROMEO ..finished for a wonderful  £102.00 !

MacMillan Charity bear

romeo, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..happy new year xx.

these past couple of weeks have dragged
Pete is looking really well ..but not knowing when he is going to have the treatment is killing me

Not sleeping too well ..and not resting
just wish we would get the letter

Tracey called yesterday and told us he Dr Zachariha has just got back from his holiday and Pete is first on the list ..we should know something by tommorow

at least sewing my bears is helping ..I always used to be creative when stressed ...

so this is Romeo ..it was going to be Mac ..but hey ..its February
and Im feeling a little low and nostalgic

Pete always did have the key to my heart ..so this is for him
my Romeo ..
looking forward to happier days xx

Precious

Precious, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..happy new year xx.

she is weeny
..LOL Pete again ..when I made Milli ...he was ..like
can you make one smaller ..so I have

and I loved making her ...I think you can tell ..when you are enjoying something ..it shows

and these new bears ..Im loveing

Milli

Milli, originally uploaded by Sleeping Elf ..happy new year xx.

Milli finished at a wonderful £103.00

Im working on her brother now ..Mac
who will go up for auction February for MacMillan Cancer Support

this illness is relentless
since October when we first found out its gone from bad to worse

yesterday we found out he has a tumor on his brain

I cant even begin to organise my thoughts
treatment starts next week

Nothing at all has been posted this week and very few e.mails answered
Hospital every day
they have cut down on the heart tablets ..the side effects are lousy ..he is exhausted
but his heart has slowed down and no more palpitations

trouble is they make his head ache and he feels giddy and nauseous
and as he is on steroids for the head pain ...its like giving you something in one hand then taking it away

back to the Hospital again today
they have said he has to have weekly blood tests at our own Drs ..so hopefully the daily trips to hospital will stop

the weekend I will parcel everything up and ship it out Saturday , Monday and Tuesday xx