mornings are worse
I have to face the day knowing he isnt going to be there ,
I made him a promise ..I get dressed throw on my make up and face the day without him
Im as brave as I can be ..and thats what he wanted ..but
God I miss him
Pete love of my life passed away 25th April 2011
For anyone who has been waiting for me to contact them
I am using Petes laptop
Pete has been given days to live ..he is desperately poorly and in need of 24 hr care and I just cant leave him..I have been told again it will be soon
I cant even begin to say how I feel or what our family is going through
all I can say its evil and cruel
I have a load of back orders and there is a bag somewere of wigs I just havent posted and Im not taking orders just yet
I cant even think about getting anything done ..but I can promis ..and I swear your orders will be sent as soon as I can ...I will also be taking orders again ...as soon as I have sorted my head out and got out all the back orders
Pete is seriously ill right now ...Im not on line much at all ..at the momment Im all over the place
Things are delayed being made and sent
I had a head come back to me today unclaimed CAROLINE MACANLISS
if you are out there ..your head came back
and I know but cant remember who wanted hands
Results come in today for the tests ..I have never been so scarred in my life
thank you everyone who as left messages , phoned and written
I havent answered many ..but believe me they are appreciated
the sun is shinning ...its a beautiful day ...but my heart is sinking I have a feeling its going to be one of the worse days of my life
back in hospital
3rd time since February :(
but Pete is back in hospital .he wasnt too well since the finish of his radiotherapy
which we put down to the side effects ...but .we had to call the ambulance saturday
they are running more tests on Pete today
his pancreas is enlarged and very painful ..it can be several things ...including the obvious
he isnt allowed to eat and on morphine ...and in much less pain
..and they have taken him off steroids ..and hey ...much less pain :(
.if you are waiting for an answer to a PM , e,mail or Flikr Mail
bear with me ..I have a TON of orders waiting to go and very little time to get them out
e.mails I will get around too over the week
If your waiting for a CURLEY TOTS ..I just havent been able to curl them ...they are almost done ...but not yet
thank you for your patience at this very difficult time
but Pete is back in hospital .he wasnt too well since the finish of his radiotherapy
which we put down to the side effects ...but .we had to call the ambulance saturday
they are running more tests on Pete today
his pancreas is enlarged and very painful ..it can be several things ...including the obvious
he isnt allowed to eat and on morphine ...and in much less pain
..and they have taken him off steroids ..and hey ...much less pain :(
.if you are waiting for an answer to a PM , e,mail or Flikr Mail
bear with me ..I have a TON of orders waiting to go and very little time to get them out
e.mails I will get around too over the week
If your waiting for a CURLEY TOTS ..I just havent been able to curl them ...they are almost done ...but not yet
thank you for your patience at this very difficult time
My constant companion
Lola is never too far away from me bless her
well its Thursday
Pete is still quite ill ..but we have been to the Hospital this week and the Drs
all of them have said ..its the Radiotherapy and Meds not the cancer making him ill
and at this stage he still has a fighting chance ...so that made us feel better
on a positive note ..although he is poorly
he is eating like a horse ..thats my man xx
..
Mac for MacMillan Cancer Support
another day and Pete is still ill
last Wednesday and Thursday he looked so well ...and then wham !
he just has no energy at all ..his head is fuzzy ...and there is that little cough ..that he hasn't noticed ...but I have
and my heart sinks ..
so I go through the motions of living ..whilst he is upstairs sleeping ..
Im downstairs
washing up ..ironing ..hovering ..all the things he has always done
I miss him so much just being by me ..and I hate him being so ill
and its very hard to stay focused and positive and get my work done
but tomorrow we will see his surgeon ..and I am thinking of talking to Tracy ..I have that scream caught in my throat again
..so I write it down here instead of screaming
every day on Facebook I put what makes me smile ...every day something has to make me smile ..
because I am scarred of loosing me
Pete always says Im always laughing and always smileing
no..... he says I would laugh if my fanny was on fire ...LOL
but its bloody hard to do it some days ...but if I dont ..then I am gone ..and this sad me is here ...and Pete dosnt need that sad me ...he needs me
so I smile
this week Im sorting out the delayed wigs
and the Etsy custom orders
Ebay sales ...Im waiting for the bubble wrap to come then they will go out too
last Wednesday and Thursday he looked so well ...and then wham !
he just has no energy at all ..his head is fuzzy ...and there is that little cough ..that he hasn't noticed ...but I have
and my heart sinks ..
so I go through the motions of living ..whilst he is upstairs sleeping ..
Im downstairs
washing up ..ironing ..hovering ..all the things he has always done
I miss him so much just being by me ..and I hate him being so ill
and its very hard to stay focused and positive and get my work done
but tomorrow we will see his surgeon ..and I am thinking of talking to Tracy ..I have that scream caught in my throat again
..so I write it down here instead of screaming
every day on Facebook I put what makes me smile ...every day something has to make me smile ..
because I am scarred of loosing me
Pete always says Im always laughing and always smileing
no..... he says I would laugh if my fanny was on fire ...LOL
but its bloody hard to do it some days ...but if I dont ..then I am gone ..and this sad me is here ...and Pete dosnt need that sad me ...he needs me
so I smile
this week Im sorting out the delayed wigs
and the Etsy custom orders
Ebay sales ...Im waiting for the bubble wrap to come then they will go out too
Chemo didnt work
right now we feel like Ok whats next
all of the lesions he has are under 1 cm ..we have been told thats good
7 in his lungs ...2 in the lymph glands under his armpits
2 in his chest lymph nodes
and we still dont know if the brain tumour has shrunk
he has skin cancer in his abdomen ..groin and his back ...
they are pinning all hopes on immune-therapy
I feel like I have been hit by a train
and reading everything I can get my hands on about strenghtening the immune system
and natural vitamins that help healthy cells recognise cancer cells and fight them
..there is a lot of stuff out there ..its just finding it and sifting through it
we have to get Pete strong again so he can take the treatment
steroids and the brain tumour have taken their toll
they are monitoring him closely
on a possitive note he is Ok ..he is weak ..and frustraited ..
but so so strong willed and brave ..he always was my hero ..he is even more now
on a SleepingElf Note ...dolls ordered will go out now ..I just havent been able to post
and I have a HUGE batch of wigs that will go out the end of this week xx
right now we feel like Ok whats next
all of the lesions he has are under 1 cm ..we have been told thats good
7 in his lungs ...2 in the lymph glands under his armpits
2 in his chest lymph nodes
and we still dont know if the brain tumour has shrunk
he has skin cancer in his abdomen ..groin and his back ...
they are pinning all hopes on immune-therapy
I feel like I have been hit by a train
and reading everything I can get my hands on about strenghtening the immune system
and natural vitamins that help healthy cells recognise cancer cells and fight them
..there is a lot of stuff out there ..its just finding it and sifting through it
we have to get Pete strong again so he can take the treatment
steroids and the brain tumour have taken their toll
they are monitoring him closely
on a possitive note he is Ok ..he is weak ..and frustraited ..
but so so strong willed and brave ..he always was my hero ..he is even more now
on a SleepingElf Note ...dolls ordered will go out now ..I just havent been able to post
and I have a HUGE batch of wigs that will go out the end of this week xx
latest inside the Moo
so close to finishing her
just cant wait to get away for a few days
Pete is recovering slowly ..so very slowly ..sometimes I think I may loose my mind
this journey we are on is a nightmare ...I just dream of a happy ending
we are due to see the specialist tommorow to find out what treatment he is to ahve next and the last ct scans
part of me is terrified
he has 8 lesions or nodules on his body now ..lord knows whats going on in his lungs and I am scarred shitless :(
I am doing everything I can ,...research into diet and latest complimentary treatments , I spend hours reading about diet and cancers
the McMillan nurse from Birmingham gave Kat an amazing magazine to read ICON
its eye-opening ..there are things we can do to help ..that can be used along side the radiotherapy and conventional treatments
and the future of treatments ..
it kinda keeps me sane at least I feel I have some control over this too
lola
Ive missed my little girl the past couple of weeks
when I havent been in the hospital with Pete ..Ive been up the vets with Chester
Chester may have a heart defect ..at the moment his heart is raceing way too fast and he has a heart murmur
so he is going to be refered to a specialist
Pete has been discharged from the hospital , his radiotherapy is finished ..we wont know if its worked for 4 weeks ..he has to have a 3 week break from treatment then back to Dr Grummit to see if the Chemo worked at all and sort out the rest of the tumours
either Chemotherapy or something else ..dont know what that is
Ive sent out a load of orders this week and I should be getting back to normal and catching up with backdated orders this week
tiny Romeo
I carried him about in my pocket all day last week
sewing up bits as and when I could so Pete wouldn't know I was making him
he is tiny ..and I love this size ...
every day this week when we go to hospital I sit and sew ..or knit
its been a long week ..and Im out of the house more than Im in
Ive not got around to posting anything ...but I am planning on parcelling up over the weekend so I can post Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday
I managed to make up quite a lot last weekend ..but just Havant got to get them out yet
Ive had 3 dolls arrive ...Hujoo ABS ted ..who is still bald , nude and face-less ..Customhouse SD chow who is still a box of bits
and Cherish doll ltd rick ..still nude and the same state as the others ..but it was a nice suprise
Pete is doing Ok ...so far so good ..no side effects ..nothing else nasty cropping up
and 3 of the first tumours on his body that came up have shrunk ..
so were hopeful once he starts his treatment again ..we can give this illness a run for its money !!
he is just exhausted ..he cant sleep ..steroids most likely
I wish I could just magic it away
but life isnt like that is it?
were planning the day again today ...1.30 appointment
so it takes about an hour to get there
parking is a nightmare ..so Im leaving at 12.15
fill up with fuel ..and off I go
now Im answereing the e.mails I have had come in
THISTLEDOWN ...again !!
Pete starts RadioTherapy next week
10 days worth ..every day doing a 2 hour round trip plus the hospital time
Im still working ..taking orders and working on new stock for my Etsy
but if you have e.mailed me ..it may be a few days before I can invoice you or get back to you
I know Im going to be majorly stressed out the next 10 days
were not sleeping too well right now
but I know its all going to come right in the end
Ive enjoyed myself today photographing the new bears ..Pete helped me with them too ..fastening off cotterpins ...my hands are still very weak ..and all the driving Im doing over the next 10 days and the sewing Im doing ...he dosnt want me to knacker them up
but its taken my mind off things a little ...
and ROMEO ..finished for a wonderful £102.00 !
10 days worth ..every day doing a 2 hour round trip plus the hospital time
Im still working ..taking orders and working on new stock for my Etsy
but if you have e.mailed me ..it may be a few days before I can invoice you or get back to you
I know Im going to be majorly stressed out the next 10 days
were not sleeping too well right now
but I know its all going to come right in the end
Ive enjoyed myself today photographing the new bears ..Pete helped me with them too ..fastening off cotterpins ...my hands are still very weak ..and all the driving Im doing over the next 10 days and the sewing Im doing ...he dosnt want me to knacker them up
but its taken my mind off things a little ...
and ROMEO ..finished for a wonderful £102.00 !
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For anyone who has been waiting for me to contact them I am using Petes laptop Pete has been given days to live ..he is desperately poor...
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https://sleepingelf.etsy.com/ Can’t believe it’s been so long , this year has flown by , dramatic fall , lots of scans and hospital, amazi...