have to admit ..I am running behind ...looking after a small doggy is taking up more of my time that I could have possibly imagined
1 year this month
its been a year ago this month Pete was diagnosed with stage 4 Cancer ,
sometimes I feel I was trapped in a very very bad dream
Im makeing a new life ,new friends
and a couple special very old friends have come back into my life and changed it totally
Im coping ...and looking into the future with a lot less fear ...I miss him terribly ...but I know he is smileing at me and I know he is proud of how Im copeing
thistledownof many colours
I have had a few days off ..back refreshed and feeling mellow
catching up with e.mails and few late orders today ...back on track by tommorow xx
my dream girl
thank you every one for the support
recent shop updates sold out in record time
I promise Im working on new stock ..MSD , more Blythe and lati yellow ..I think about 2 weeks for restock
orders are dyeing ..perming and drying now
should be shipped by the weekend
finger is much better and Im back on track again
custom orders being taken for August and SEPTEMBER NOW
what a difference a week can make
I have opened my shop again and am now taking orders
the back orders should be all out by next week ..and new orders July
I have reduced some of the dolls right now on Etsy
and I have some new bears for sale and Im selling off some of my own collection
I have got used to Pete not being with me now ...I lost him a long time ago ..when he became so ill ..and have got used to being on my own
but I will never get over how he died ...ever
that I will have to live with ..but I have no regrets ..everything was said that should have been said, and I did everything within my power to keep him well
now I will keep my last promise to him ...to live ...never forget him ..but I have to live ..and love ..and be happy ..and he made me promise
he didnt want me to be a wailing widow ...he wanted me to be.. me ...Im trying
They say everything happens for a reason ...be dammed if I can see why I lost Pete .. ...I dont believe in God ..but I do believe in Karma and the human spirit .. and Fate , Destiny and Lady Luck ..and they are leading me by the hand ..and I will follow
the back orders should be all out by next week ..and new orders July
I have reduced some of the dolls right now on Etsy
and I have some new bears for sale and Im selling off some of my own collection
I have got used to Pete not being with me now ...I lost him a long time ago ..when he became so ill ..and have got used to being on my own
but I will never get over how he died ...ever
that I will have to live with ..but I have no regrets ..everything was said that should have been said, and I did everything within my power to keep him well
now I will keep my last promise to him ...to live ...never forget him ..but I have to live ..and love ..and be happy ..and he made me promise
he didnt want me to be a wailing widow ...he wanted me to be.. me ...Im trying
They say everything happens for a reason ...be dammed if I can see why I lost Pete .. ...I dont believe in God ..but I do believe in Karma and the human spirit .. and Fate , Destiny and Lady Luck ..and they are leading me by the hand ..and I will follow
1 step forward ...2 steps back
I cant believe its been almost 2 months ...and still everyday throws up its challenges ... back orders are slowly going out ...much slower than I thought ..but I still spend most my days trying to sort out this hell that Im living in
Paperwork and even more paperwork ...wondering when I will feel anything like normal ..and not drowning all the time :(
I cant remember feeling anything other than sick to my stomach ....
bad week ..June started out bad
Paperwork and even more paperwork ...wondering when I will feel anything like normal ..and not drowning all the time :(
I cant remember feeling anything other than sick to my stomach ....
bad week ..June started out bad
A Great Relationship Happens When Two People Who Truly Understand Each Other and Love Each Other for Who They Are Come Together and Create Something Stronger Than Either of Them Could Ever Be on Their Own
and that summed us up
Im so grateful for what I had ...he made me a better person ..and gave me the strength to do what I have to do
the bag of wig orders that were supposed to be posted before Pete took ill have been posted ...Etsy sales that were to be posted are going now
slowly things are creeping back to normality
Pete love of my life passed away 25th April 2011
mornings are worse
I have to face the day knowing he isnt going to be there ,
I made him a promise ..I get dressed throw on my make up and face the day without him
Im as brave as I can be ..and thats what he wanted ..but
God I miss him
For anyone who has been waiting for me to contact them
I am using Petes laptop
Pete has been given days to live ..he is desperately poorly and in need of 24 hr care and I just cant leave him..I have been told again it will be soon
I cant even begin to say how I feel or what our family is going through
all I can say its evil and cruel
I have a load of back orders and there is a bag somewere of wigs I just havent posted and Im not taking orders just yet
I cant even think about getting anything done ..but I can promis ..and I swear your orders will be sent as soon as I can ...I will also be taking orders again ...as soon as I have sorted my head out and got out all the back orders
Pete is seriously ill right now ...Im not on line much at all ..at the momment Im all over the place
Things are delayed being made and sent
I had a head come back to me today unclaimed CAROLINE MACANLISS
if you are out there ..your head came back
and I know but cant remember who wanted hands
Results come in today for the tests ..I have never been so scarred in my life
thank you everyone who as left messages , phoned and written
I havent answered many ..but believe me they are appreciated
the sun is shinning ...its a beautiful day ...but my heart is sinking I have a feeling its going to be one of the worse days of my life
back in hospital
3rd time since February :(
but Pete is back in hospital .he wasnt too well since the finish of his radiotherapy
which we put down to the side effects ...but .we had to call the ambulance saturday
they are running more tests on Pete today
his pancreas is enlarged and very painful ..it can be several things ...including the obvious
he isnt allowed to eat and on morphine ...and in much less pain
..and they have taken him off steroids ..and hey ...much less pain :(
.if you are waiting for an answer to a PM , e,mail or Flikr Mail
bear with me ..I have a TON of orders waiting to go and very little time to get them out
e.mails I will get around too over the week
If your waiting for a CURLEY TOTS ..I just havent been able to curl them ...they are almost done ...but not yet
thank you for your patience at this very difficult time
but Pete is back in hospital .he wasnt too well since the finish of his radiotherapy
which we put down to the side effects ...but .we had to call the ambulance saturday
they are running more tests on Pete today
his pancreas is enlarged and very painful ..it can be several things ...including the obvious
he isnt allowed to eat and on morphine ...and in much less pain
..and they have taken him off steroids ..and hey ...much less pain :(
.if you are waiting for an answer to a PM , e,mail or Flikr Mail
bear with me ..I have a TON of orders waiting to go and very little time to get them out
e.mails I will get around too over the week
If your waiting for a CURLEY TOTS ..I just havent been able to curl them ...they are almost done ...but not yet
thank you for your patience at this very difficult time
My constant companion
Lola is never too far away from me bless her
well its Thursday
Pete is still quite ill ..but we have been to the Hospital this week and the Drs
all of them have said ..its the Radiotherapy and Meds not the cancer making him ill
and at this stage he still has a fighting chance ...so that made us feel better
on a positive note ..although he is poorly
he is eating like a horse ..thats my man xx
..
Mac for MacMillan Cancer Support
another day and Pete is still ill
last Wednesday and Thursday he looked so well ...and then wham !
he just has no energy at all ..his head is fuzzy ...and there is that little cough ..that he hasn't noticed ...but I have
and my heart sinks ..
so I go through the motions of living ..whilst he is upstairs sleeping ..
Im downstairs
washing up ..ironing ..hovering ..all the things he has always done
I miss him so much just being by me ..and I hate him being so ill
and its very hard to stay focused and positive and get my work done
but tomorrow we will see his surgeon ..and I am thinking of talking to Tracy ..I have that scream caught in my throat again
..so I write it down here instead of screaming
every day on Facebook I put what makes me smile ...every day something has to make me smile ..
because I am scarred of loosing me
Pete always says Im always laughing and always smileing
no..... he says I would laugh if my fanny was on fire ...LOL
but its bloody hard to do it some days ...but if I dont ..then I am gone ..and this sad me is here ...and Pete dosnt need that sad me ...he needs me
so I smile
this week Im sorting out the delayed wigs
and the Etsy custom orders
Ebay sales ...Im waiting for the bubble wrap to come then they will go out too
last Wednesday and Thursday he looked so well ...and then wham !
he just has no energy at all ..his head is fuzzy ...and there is that little cough ..that he hasn't noticed ...but I have
and my heart sinks ..
so I go through the motions of living ..whilst he is upstairs sleeping ..
Im downstairs
washing up ..ironing ..hovering ..all the things he has always done
I miss him so much just being by me ..and I hate him being so ill
and its very hard to stay focused and positive and get my work done
but tomorrow we will see his surgeon ..and I am thinking of talking to Tracy ..I have that scream caught in my throat again
..so I write it down here instead of screaming
every day on Facebook I put what makes me smile ...every day something has to make me smile ..
because I am scarred of loosing me
Pete always says Im always laughing and always smileing
no..... he says I would laugh if my fanny was on fire ...LOL
but its bloody hard to do it some days ...but if I dont ..then I am gone ..and this sad me is here ...and Pete dosnt need that sad me ...he needs me
so I smile
this week Im sorting out the delayed wigs
and the Etsy custom orders
Ebay sales ...Im waiting for the bubble wrap to come then they will go out too
Chemo didnt work
right now we feel like Ok whats next
all of the lesions he has are under 1 cm ..we have been told thats good
7 in his lungs ...2 in the lymph glands under his armpits
2 in his chest lymph nodes
and we still dont know if the brain tumour has shrunk
he has skin cancer in his abdomen ..groin and his back ...
they are pinning all hopes on immune-therapy
I feel like I have been hit by a train
and reading everything I can get my hands on about strenghtening the immune system
and natural vitamins that help healthy cells recognise cancer cells and fight them
..there is a lot of stuff out there ..its just finding it and sifting through it
we have to get Pete strong again so he can take the treatment
steroids and the brain tumour have taken their toll
they are monitoring him closely
on a possitive note he is Ok ..he is weak ..and frustraited ..
but so so strong willed and brave ..he always was my hero ..he is even more now
on a SleepingElf Note ...dolls ordered will go out now ..I just havent been able to post
and I have a HUGE batch of wigs that will go out the end of this week xx
right now we feel like Ok whats next
all of the lesions he has are under 1 cm ..we have been told thats good
7 in his lungs ...2 in the lymph glands under his armpits
2 in his chest lymph nodes
and we still dont know if the brain tumour has shrunk
he has skin cancer in his abdomen ..groin and his back ...
they are pinning all hopes on immune-therapy
I feel like I have been hit by a train
and reading everything I can get my hands on about strenghtening the immune system
and natural vitamins that help healthy cells recognise cancer cells and fight them
..there is a lot of stuff out there ..its just finding it and sifting through it
we have to get Pete strong again so he can take the treatment
steroids and the brain tumour have taken their toll
they are monitoring him closely
on a possitive note he is Ok ..he is weak ..and frustraited ..
but so so strong willed and brave ..he always was my hero ..he is even more now
on a SleepingElf Note ...dolls ordered will go out now ..I just havent been able to post
and I have a HUGE batch of wigs that will go out the end of this week xx
latest inside the Moo
so close to finishing her
just cant wait to get away for a few days
Pete is recovering slowly ..so very slowly ..sometimes I think I may loose my mind
this journey we are on is a nightmare ...I just dream of a happy ending
we are due to see the specialist tommorow to find out what treatment he is to ahve next and the last ct scans
part of me is terrified
he has 8 lesions or nodules on his body now ..lord knows whats going on in his lungs and I am scarred shitless :(
I am doing everything I can ,...research into diet and latest complimentary treatments , I spend hours reading about diet and cancers
the McMillan nurse from Birmingham gave Kat an amazing magazine to read ICON
its eye-opening ..there are things we can do to help ..that can be used along side the radiotherapy and conventional treatments
and the future of treatments ..
it kinda keeps me sane at least I feel I have some control over this too
lola
Ive missed my little girl the past couple of weeks
when I havent been in the hospital with Pete ..Ive been up the vets with Chester
Chester may have a heart defect ..at the moment his heart is raceing way too fast and he has a heart murmur
so he is going to be refered to a specialist
Pete has been discharged from the hospital , his radiotherapy is finished ..we wont know if its worked for 4 weeks ..he has to have a 3 week break from treatment then back to Dr Grummit to see if the Chemo worked at all and sort out the rest of the tumours
either Chemotherapy or something else ..dont know what that is
Ive sent out a load of orders this week and I should be getting back to normal and catching up with backdated orders this week
tiny Romeo
I carried him about in my pocket all day last week
sewing up bits as and when I could so Pete wouldn't know I was making him
he is tiny ..and I love this size ...
every day this week when we go to hospital I sit and sew ..or knit
its been a long week ..and Im out of the house more than Im in
Ive not got around to posting anything ...but I am planning on parcelling up over the weekend so I can post Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday
I managed to make up quite a lot last weekend ..but just Havant got to get them out yet
Ive had 3 dolls arrive ...Hujoo ABS ted ..who is still bald , nude and face-less ..Customhouse SD chow who is still a box of bits
and Cherish doll ltd rick ..still nude and the same state as the others ..but it was a nice suprise
Pete is doing Ok ...so far so good ..no side effects ..nothing else nasty cropping up
and 3 of the first tumours on his body that came up have shrunk ..
so were hopeful once he starts his treatment again ..we can give this illness a run for its money !!
he is just exhausted ..he cant sleep ..steroids most likely
I wish I could just magic it away
but life isnt like that is it?
were planning the day again today ...1.30 appointment
so it takes about an hour to get there
parking is a nightmare ..so Im leaving at 12.15
fill up with fuel ..and off I go
now Im answereing the e.mails I have had come in
THISTLEDOWN ...again !!
Pete starts RadioTherapy next week
10 days worth ..every day doing a 2 hour round trip plus the hospital time
Im still working ..taking orders and working on new stock for my Etsy
but if you have e.mailed me ..it may be a few days before I can invoice you or get back to you
I know Im going to be majorly stressed out the next 10 days
were not sleeping too well right now
but I know its all going to come right in the end
Ive enjoyed myself today photographing the new bears ..Pete helped me with them too ..fastening off cotterpins ...my hands are still very weak ..and all the driving Im doing over the next 10 days and the sewing Im doing ...he dosnt want me to knacker them up
but its taken my mind off things a little ...
and ROMEO ..finished for a wonderful £102.00 !
10 days worth ..every day doing a 2 hour round trip plus the hospital time
Im still working ..taking orders and working on new stock for my Etsy
but if you have e.mailed me ..it may be a few days before I can invoice you or get back to you
I know Im going to be majorly stressed out the next 10 days
were not sleeping too well right now
but I know its all going to come right in the end
Ive enjoyed myself today photographing the new bears ..Pete helped me with them too ..fastening off cotterpins ...my hands are still very weak ..and all the driving Im doing over the next 10 days and the sewing Im doing ...he dosnt want me to knacker them up
but its taken my mind off things a little ...
and ROMEO ..finished for a wonderful £102.00 !
MacMillan Charity bear
these past couple of weeks have dragged
Pete is looking really well ..but not knowing when he is going to have the treatment is killing me
Not sleeping too well ..and not resting
just wish we would get the letter
Tracey called yesterday and told us he Dr Zachariha has just got back from his holiday and Pete is first on the list ..we should know something by tommorow
at least sewing my bears is helping ..I always used to be creative when stressed ...
so this is Romeo ..it was going to be Mac ..but hey ..its February
and Im feeling a little low and nostalgic
Pete always did have the key to my heart ..so this is for him
my Romeo ..
looking forward to happier days xx
Precious
she is weeny
..LOL Pete again ..when I made Milli ...he was ..like
can you make one smaller ..so I have
and I loved making her ...I think you can tell ..when you are enjoying something ..it shows
and these new bears ..Im loveing
..LOL Pete again ..when I made Milli ...he was ..like
can you make one smaller ..so I have
and I loved making her ...I think you can tell ..when you are enjoying something ..it shows
and these new bears ..Im loveing
Milli
Milli finished at a wonderful £103.00
Im working on her brother now ..Mac
who will go up for auction February for MacMillan Cancer Support
Nothing at all has been posted this week and very few e.mails answered
Hospital every day
they have cut down on the heart tablets ..the side effects are lousy ..he is exhausted
but his heart has slowed down and no more palpitations
trouble is they make his head ache and he feels giddy and nauseous
and as he is on steroids for the head pain ...its like giving you something in one hand then taking it away
back to the Hospital again today
they have said he has to have weekly blood tests at our own Drs ..so hopefully the daily trips to hospital will stop
the weekend I will parcel everything up and ship it out Saturday , Monday and Tuesday xx
Hospital every day
they have cut down on the heart tablets ..the side effects are lousy ..he is exhausted
but his heart has slowed down and no more palpitations
trouble is they make his head ache and he feels giddy and nauseous
and as he is on steroids for the head pain ...its like giving you something in one hand then taking it away
back to the Hospital again today
they have said he has to have weekly blood tests at our own Drs ..so hopefully the daily trips to hospital will stop
the weekend I will parcel everything up and ship it out Saturday , Monday and Tuesday xx
another bad couple of days
Im exhausted
and wonder how on earth I will get work done ..Pete had a pretty good recovery after the head swelling thing
then another whammy yesterday .his heart
in the early hours he woke ..then woke me ..cut a long story short
I rushed him into hospital ..again
his heart is beating way to fast and has gone out of rhythm..its either the Chemo or an underlying heart defect that has just reared its head
Im floored ..just floored ..he hasnt bounced back at all from this and is still in bed
the Demons came to vistit me in the night and left me scarred and worried sick about the future
I cry a lot ..its like being a child again ..I want my husband back to normal ..I want our life back
then an old friend phoned me this morning
he gave me my fight back
"Carrie Attwood let something hurt her Pete ..its not gonna happen"
and he is right
Im going to bitch slap that cow back to were it came from
Im not letting C use up all my energy crying and worrying about what could happen
and wonder how on earth I will get work done ..Pete had a pretty good recovery after the head swelling thing
then another whammy yesterday .his heart
in the early hours he woke ..then woke me ..cut a long story short
I rushed him into hospital ..again
his heart is beating way to fast and has gone out of rhythm..its either the Chemo or an underlying heart defect that has just reared its head
Im floored ..just floored ..he hasnt bounced back at all from this and is still in bed
the Demons came to vistit me in the night and left me scarred and worried sick about the future
I cry a lot ..its like being a child again ..I want my husband back to normal ..I want our life back
then an old friend phoned me this morning
he gave me my fight back
"Carrie Attwood let something hurt her Pete ..its not gonna happen"
and he is right
Im going to bitch slap that cow back to were it came from
Im not letting C use up all my energy crying and worrying about what could happen
I have work to do ..a house to run and a bussiness to keep going
and more than anything I have to love and care for my husband ..who is the most wonderful person I have ever known
and Im going to do it so Im not going to waist any more time blubbering today
today were at home
tommorow all day hospital
everything I have read about Cancer ..to beat it is an up hill battle ..but its going to have to battle if it wants to take my Pete
everything I have read about Cancer ..to beat it is an up hill battle ..but its going to have to battle if it wants to take my Pete
Bracken
well I have finally managed to get them listed on Ebay
http://stores.ebay.com/thesleepingelf
£10.00 fro every sale will go to MacMillan Cancer Support
both Pete and I are thrilled with how Milli is going
and so far this week I have raised £40.00 from other sales too
Pete is much better today ..his head is still hurting ..and the med he is on is making him drowsy ..but a far cry from Thursday
3 of the other nodes on his body are shrinking ..so we are optimistic
thats its working
the scan next week will tell us if it is ..if it is ..they will put him on steroids untill the Chemo has done its work ..
but today ..its not a bad day for us at all xx
UPDATE
Pete was rushed into hospital yesterday
he has been doing so amazingly well ...but this week he started feeling a bit fuzzy headed and had flu like symptoms
which can happen on this drug he is on
god it was terrible ...he was in agony ..scarred me shitless
His doctor thinks the chemotherapy either bought on a mother of a migraine
in which case it will be gone tommorow
or the drug is making the brain swell ..either that or the cancer has reached the brain
after a whole day of agony ..steroids ..injections to stop him being sick ..by evening he was getting slightly better ..and had stopped being sick
if its a migraine ..he will be Ok in 24hrs
if its the Chemo drug ..on the steroids and anti-sickness drugs he will be better in 48 hrs
if its on his brain ...he wont
so we came home ..exhausted
were booked in for a scan next week ... and the results will be through quickly as his Chemo is on hold .he cant have it again untill they find out if has cancer on his brain ..the chemo will be stopped and he will have radiotherapy
..it has been a lousy 24hrs ..
he has been doing so amazingly well ...but this week he started feeling a bit fuzzy headed and had flu like symptoms
which can happen on this drug he is on
god it was terrible ...he was in agony ..scarred me shitless
His doctor thinks the chemotherapy either bought on a mother of a migraine
in which case it will be gone tommorow
or the drug is making the brain swell ..either that or the cancer has reached the brain
after a whole day of agony ..steroids ..injections to stop him being sick ..by evening he was getting slightly better ..and had stopped being sick
if its a migraine ..he will be Ok in 24hrs
if its the Chemo drug ..on the steroids and anti-sickness drugs he will be better in 48 hrs
if its on his brain ...he wont
so we came home ..exhausted
were booked in for a scan next week ... and the results will be through quickly as his Chemo is on hold .he cant have it again untill they find out if has cancer on his brain ..the chemo will be stopped and he will have radiotherapy
..it has been a lousy 24hrs ..
Milli
and here she is
I feel quite emotional about her ...she was a labour of love
for someone I love ..
without him ..I would have never have been who I am today
this was Pete`s brainchild ...and is for him xx
100% will go to MacMillan Cancer Support
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=320638632897&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT#ht_1810wt_1139
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For anyone who has been waiting for me to contact them I am using Petes laptop Pete has been given days to live ..he is desperately poor...
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https://sleepingelf.etsy.com/ Can’t believe it’s been so long , this year has flown by , dramatic fall , lots of scans and hospital, amazi...